span style="font-weight:bold;">Angels in Your Time of Need
It was the day I looked up at the beam in my basement and the thought "that would hold my weight" sprinted across my mind. I buried my head in my pillow, covered it with a blanket and sobbed. I sobbed because I had thought it and I sobbed because I wanted it. I could hear my 7 week old through two sets of stairs - a duet of hysterical crying. It took over an hour before we had both calmed down and I could go back to my room and pick him up from the 'safe place to cry'. His back was drenched with sweat and I was drenched with guilt.
It was that day that you called telling me you were praying for me and felt that you needed to share 2 Nephi 4:34-35. That answer to your prayer was an answer to mine. I spent the evening soaking in the tub, memorizing the words while you rocked, shushed, and paced. I let the powerful words melt into me and fortify me giving me a hope that over the past few weeks had been foreign. For the first time in weeks I felt that with the Lord anything was possible and with trust I could overcome my pain.
Then you came over and respected my need to hide my tears and pretend like things weren't bad. I don't think I fooled you. Instead of calling me out you took care of things while I took a nap I obviously so desperately needed. You did not know what was going on in my mind but you saved me anyway.
The day after you brought over healthy, chocolate haystack treats. Another deposit in your already large account of good deeds. They went well with the random offer to bring over dinner. You spontaneously called me and asked if I could use another meal. I had lost count by now but I had no shame and accepted, feeling grateful for a good friend.
And now, years later, when frightening, hopeless thoughts have been replaced with joyful, hopeful thoughts, I can see more clearly the time of my need and the way you, all of you, fulfilled a promise made to me that God would provide angels in my time of need. And thanks to you, I know now, what I had only frantically hoped for then, is that God keeps His word.
I'm glad you wrote about this. I didn't know you had such a hard time after Mayli was born, I'm so sorry! It sounds awful. The things women go through for sweet babies! I'm sure it's not easy to talk about those dark feelings, but I know women who are going through the same thing would love to know they're not the only ones, since it's kind of a hush-hush topic. Way to be brave! I'm so glad you had lots of love and support during those hard weeks! And your kids will love to read about your testimony of God watching over you someday!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Lindsay. I actually had this experience after Milo was born but haven't really felt healed until now. My experience after Mayli has been so different, so easy but my experience after Milo has really shaped who I am today for which I'm so grateful.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this. I hope that I can be someone who is there for you in times of need, as you have been for me. I'm happy to hear that you feel like you have healed from this and can see how it has shaped the woman you are becoming.
ReplyDeleteI look forward to reading more of your writing.